Natter of days gone by.

August 29, 2002 10:30 PM

I am alone in the Hospital.
My partner is in Columbia.
I am taking care of every child in the ICU and on the floor.
I have some sick kids.
I am taking a deep breath.
I have some cool kids.
I am good.
The parents give me hugs.
I bring them cookies.
I can do this.
I am letting my breath out.

August 29, 2002 10:16 PM

On the American River (I am front right getting soaked)

then it was off to SanFran and I volunteered for a group called Healing Waters . They are amazing and what is more it was a great weekend to be on the American River rafting. I was a worker bee cooking for the group with two other great people (Andy and Ed). What was really great was the overall giving attitude of all the clients and volunteers. The river guides who gave up a working paid day to guide us down the river were the best. Just good human beings who really give you the feeling that its going to be all right. So here are the river rafting pixs for ya.

Gee Whiz:

The patient who I was convinced was going to die is doing remarkably better. Today she made a sign for medicine and raised her eyebrows to answer a question. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. It is one thing to walk into the room thinking someone is in a coma it is another entirely to know they are trapped within.

 

August 27, 2002 3:43 PM

something I said to someone long ago came back to me in an email:


"...when the opportunity to let something go arises on the street, at a party or just lying in bed at night I am grabbing it." - On Holding On (Vince)

 

August 27, 2002 1:40 PM

well a week away and now back to unpack and unload. I went to a few places and did a more than a few fun things. Too much for one little measly update so we'll spread it out.

The first stop was Portland for the Lesbian and Gay Softball Championships. I hung out with the lesbians since the boys were playing at another field and that was just fine by me. Lessons learned:

And since we (as a collective we) seem to be flitting all over I thought I would start a little places to hit page for different cities. Not a travel guide etc just a cool places (bars excluded. Buy a damrons) you may want to check out. So for Portland its:

The Lucky Labrador Mini Brewery. Bring your dogs and thirst for a local hangout place. Bring a photo of your dog for their board.

 

August 20, 2002 1:31 AM

can you feel it? Can you feel the hope brimming from my pores like champagne bubbles rising towards your lips? Can you feel the expectation flowing from my eyes like the rays of the cool moon over a languid pond? Can you feel the quiver of my hope like the hestitant first touch of his cheek as he leans in to kiss that kiss I have been wanting so long.....

guess who had a good date.

. Now its off to Portland for softball, San Francisco for dinners, the American River for rafting and back home next week . So gentle readers stay tuned and you will see many many fun pics next tues/wends.

 

August 17, 2002 2:21 AM

I know its going to be ok but is it me or does everyone want to sleep with exboyfriends again and again. But gentle reader this is boring even to me.

It started with my going up to literally the hottest couple in the joint and I in my X confidence just started chatting them up and up and up. He knows she knows we know and next thing you know we are in an orgy of bodies and music thumping and grinding. Hooked up with some boys from Toronto And then it was the classic circuit time. Fun people with a common if not the healthiest of purposes. My saying is "who drove you to the party?"

Is it just wanting to go out? Wanting to feel pretty? Wanting some sex? Wanting a boyfriend? ( I did not say it had to be logical or even possible). or wanting something you may not know what. Answer the question and l learn something.

I want to make sure the best thing I do is not only being Gay. (top 5 and I am happy). That being said guess who is going to see his lipstick lez sister and her girlfriend in at the softball championships in Portland. (any suggestions of things to do greatly appreciated)

August 13, 2002 10:17 PM

Veni
Vidi
Vici

snapshots:

More cognation later. but money shots NOW.

August 9, 2002 0:39 AM

Not for the faint of heart.

I hugged her mother and told her father what I could.
Years of waiting for the end are now ending themselves.
Being "ready" is never enough when death enters.

I am back Monday. I am going to live like I always do with the experiences like the one above giving that extra little tap on the shoulder to make sure I do it right or get damn close.

August 6, 2002 9:47 AM

A day of Bravuk, Gralling, Temog, Groggy and Tea lights. Can you guess where we were?

I know its the old refrain but why can I be so over the freaking top with total strangers but the minute I find someone hot and attractive in the late breakfast, clean white sheets, cape cod fire sort of way I become "Vince the Human Statue". TWO really nice down to earth cool guys (one an international AIDS worker with a wicked wit, the other a very hot landscaper) and I had that "wow this is a cool convo" thing going then I am all about handshake or kiss on the cheek (that seems to infuriate all my ex's (tough)) and I am off full of what ifs.

OK is it me or does iphoto suck and rock at the same time. It can not handle more than 1000 photos quickly.

But here's the latest where's Waldo.

August 5, 2002 9:22 AM

the brkfst group .

Had a fun fun fun time some boys at here and loved this sculpture which takes the ambient street sounds and just by dint of echoing in a tube broadcast them in these little cubes. (chris of the radiant smile is doubtful)

 

Sometimes Its Art.

The Good: A teenager who has a horrible degenerative condition came in for yet another hospitalization and we stablilized her, told them the story and they just grabbed my arm said thanks we trust you and left to get some much needed sleep. Completely secure.

 

The Ugly:The scene: A hospital room with a teenager who has just undergone spinal fusion surgery (and yes its as scrumdili-icious as it sounds) and is now in a body cast. Her mother and father are in the middle of a nasty divorce.

An argument ensues during which the mother launches herself ACROSS HER OWN DAUGHTERS BED to attack her husband. She drew blood. Meanwhile the girl is trapped like a inverted turtle witness to this dysfunction. 20 years from now they will ask all bewildered where does she get her hostility for us from? The kids are cool the parents nightmares.

But I am going to chicago to see market days and finally connect with a friend of mark and Richies whose last email contained this little ditty:

"She told me that her two favorite things to do in the world were play the piano and pray for people, and she asked me if there was anything I wanted her to pray for on my behalf. I almost asked her to get me a boyfriend,"- I think I am in love.

and then maybe Montana for some horseback time.

 

August 3, 2002 0:05 AM

hilarity

Ok was a night of seeing Chi Chi LaRue running around for new talent, some Queer as Folk actors and some of the nicest guys around. From the left Jason, Chris (atlanta), Luke (atlanta), Chad and Scott (SF).

One of these guys recently had his shirt (and other select items of clothing) off on stage in New Orleans
One of these guys grew up in a two stop light town on a dairy farm
One of these guys and I met at the end of a runway under a radar tower at Burbank Airport.
One of these guys know the LSU fight song and finally has his eyes open for a picture.
One of these guys yells at little girls to kick higher and use Magic Fingers.

August 2, 2002 3:34 PM

Well somehow American Airlines has me booked for Chicago Market Days. How thoughtful of them! But Uniteds "rising" promo really may be more appropriate. Maybe I will sweep Donalds Internet Boyfriend off his feet...

August 2, 2002 1:58 PM

hmmmm there were times that Australia did look like this. Thanks to a mysterious photoshop imp for sending me this.

Luke and his boyfriend are here and they are so cute I will have to get some photos up here and then sell them into some master/slave ring in Silverlake

OK faithful readers. Lets do a vote on where do I go for week off this month? come on serve it up. I may do a North America Tour or someplace more out there. hmmmmmm......

Have a busy service now with a 16 yr. old on a morphine drip its all I can do not to hook myself up give her a cigarette and play "Liza and Company." We could have guest stars like Truman Capote (later years only), Kitty Dukakis etc.

Ps. This Anna Nicole Smith thing called a show is really a War Crime. Everyone at E! should be shot for not only perpetuating this travesty but then foisting it upon us. I heard a commercial today on the radio and I can not even begin to convey the sheer vapidness (wd?) of her comments only given more stay fresh annoying power by her screechy whiny voice. Even though I have made sure that I am not near any device which could even inadvertently receive a signal (including my next door neighbors 9 yr. old with braces) I will know that SHE is passing through my body permeating my very cells with her essence. I may have to buy lots of tin foil.

August 1, 2002 11:53 AM

the setup: A breakfast meeting put on by our Gay political caucus "ANGLE" to hear Dick Gepahrdt speak.

The attendees: The Brooks brother wearing, SUV driving clean cut and pretty damn attractive LA'ites. That is until you have lived here long enough. I am trying soooo hard not to be harsh, judgmental and all that but sometimes it is too hard. This my friends was a room that if I were in the military my words would be "Target my position with everything you have". The room was full of the beauties of LA and there in lies the dangerous attraction. I was doing ok saying my hellos and air kissing my way to the coffee (my main attraction). Then I look around and it is all too much. I was swimming in a vortex of cross glances, air kisses, cruising and hoo-haa. I had to leave.

I am living in the wrong city.

It is becoming more apparent each day.

But

it

may

be

me.

I like to think that I am as social or maybe more so than the next but where is the there there? Is hanging out by pools, getting drunk, multiple dinners, going on a weekend camping trip ONCE a year what I have to look forward to in friendships. I have some deep friendships but in this "stage of life" we are damn busy people. "We" literally have dinners/lunches freaking booked a week ahead. I think I need to focus more on those friendships that mean the most to me but sometimes its tough.

OK whining is now over. Lets begin incisive commentary meant to elucidate and bare my uber-ness to all.

If you have not read "Notes on Camp" by Susan Sontag do
If you have not seen Showgirls- Don't. Why? See above.
If you have not seen Kiki and Herb go please God please go.
If you have not been to a car wash where you can sit inside-go
If you have not tried those orange "Circus-peanuts" candies- don't
If you have not made some little nothing of a thing to give away-do

Five True one False

1) I had a parrot with two broken legs for a while
2) I looked down at my boyfriend watering the lawn and he was in that relaxed "I am standing with my posture all funky because I am alone" stance and I fell in love but screwed it up.
3) I went over to a friends house to feed his fish and had sex with a friend of theirs who happened to stop by.
4) I was attacked and almost lost an eye to a chicken
5) I miss New York like nothing else.

July 30, 2002 3:44 PM

But before I go here's flash to make you sigh.

July 30, 2002 10:47 AM

"Only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the noonday sun"-N.Coward

 

Well we were mad. To see New Orleans with natives and semi-natives is really something. I scored a great space thanks to my friend David (bow), and then had a really fun time with Chad, Jason, Eric, Erin, Amy, Patience..... it just goes on and on.

Snippets:

-flaming Dr. Peppers
-Dueling Pianos at Pat O'Brians (the worlds first straight Piano bar)
-Learning the LSU fight song
-messing up the LSU fight song (people actually stand up for this)
-Loving Eric and Erin's style and all around being
-having a down home gumbo dinner at someones house and then walking to look at the Mississippi River at night

and here are pictures from all over some sober most not.

 

And lest we forget the beauty in the world of blogs here is a site which is kinda sorta amazing so far.

 

July 25, 2002 6:39 PM

Do I go run or do I stay and here and write whatever comes to my feeble little mind.

Well here we are. I am getting to know someone socially who is 24. Lets put this in some perspective.

When he was 9 I had met my first boyfriend (and dated him for five years.)

When he was 15 I was in medical school and dancing to the B-52s Planet X (seriously) on my first "hit" and I was with Dan and we were IT. We were at the Saint in New York City on its first reopening we had out shirts off getting to know synapses only rumored off earlier and did I mention we were IT.

But he has the infectious beauty of being 24. I think that that is the trick and among my favorite friends many have never given this up. Sometimes its tempered and yes there are things that come up as you go along like buying a house etc etc but the core joyfullness of it all is what I really like.

I think that it is the potential that people are attracted to. But lordy I remember me at 24 and by no fault of my own I really had a lot of growing up to do.

 

July 23, 2002 9:06 AM


Driving Home

Happy pre birthday Jason! (actually event this Wends) and then its New Orleans. Those will be the shots to wait for.

Today is a day of LA discovery Going to new parts and places and we'll see what is out there.

July 21, 2002 11:46 PM

I am not worthy

this is from one of my best friends who offers to be my bridesmaid even though he took me to my first female strip club. Love it. I put this up then thought it too aggrandizing then thought it just neat then thought what other would think then ignored that then said fuck it and here it is.

The Puritans (albeit not the most imaginative people when it came to daily existence) used to feel that infants were born "trailing clouds of glory." Yours have never dissipated...so keep turning inward occasionally when you sleep, because one day there's going to be someone there who deserves you...
(and I damn well better be one of the bridesmaids when it happens, or else I'll hurt you badly!!!)

 

July 21, 2002 0:31 AM

Had the perfect Sunday afternoon. A good catch-up with the ever lovely Jim and company at a little pool get together. Of course as we approach said house the understated geometry of it all combined with the oh so tasteful art, hardwood floors, working gourmet kitchen, full poolside bar and catered pool party made me think ....Yes! And I reveled in the wonder of the afternoon like a honey dipped lesbian at Girl bar. Met some fun honies and had some great convo which was cool. Then off to Here for a fun fun fun night of meeting new people, reconnecting with old friends, re establishing some future fun (yes that is you Juanito), etc.

And yes Sex and the City still is great. But I am craving 6 feet under. Line of the show "What is he MANthrax?" Its a smart show and can not wait for this (and yes the graphic needs some help)

Revisited images from the World Trade Center. (Thanks to this intriguing guy noted by akafrankgreen and so on and so on) As hard as it is to revisit these images I still do. Its not about the whole red, white and blue fervor that only makes one see red. Rather its about how in my life that was the first time a whole society pulsed with a connectivity that was palpable. EVERYBODY knew someone who was there or near there or connected. I met a guy who was on the Boston plane, knew someone working across the street and knew docs taking care of the burn victims. We were confronted with a tragedy bigger than our differences and I think we did ok. So when people get all down on society and our culture of greed and self indulgence (and big gulp swigging range rover driving people are annoying) I know now we can chuck it away when we have to.

I heard an interview with this woman and she said that after 9/11 she just gives everyone more slack. She was rear ended and the guy clearly had less money than her so she just said forget it. I will give you a break since for me the couple of bucks for this is proportionally less than your deductible and higher rated etc etc. I thought this was great.
I still have yet to repaint my bumper from the exact same thing.

Gee a heavy monday thought process. hmmm.

 

July 20, 2002 8:07 PM

I am actually enjoying going to the gym. Arrgh. And kudos to Mark getting his heart rate up in a variety of ways.

Oh and if you ever want to make the best banana bread ever here's the recipe. Its quick, no kneading and bakes in an hour. I think baking and giving away bread is one of my favorite things. People go nuts when you give them some homemade bread. I have spent much longer on other things but its the bread. That's what they remember.

Its always the little things that remind you.

I noticed last night I had gotten into bed and turned inwards to sleep not facing outwards as I have always thought was my habit. I was in a stage of mind feeling not the best but with a quiet mind I noticed this and thought on it rather than just flip over. And I realized that I was no longer seeing Dan and I had gotten into the habit of turning in to hold him while he fell asleep. I wish I had just flipped over.

I do not know why I have gotten into such a martyrdom about this since it was clearly mutual and on a good basis. We are friends etc. etc. and I had been thinking about it for a while (and boring my friends who you know who you are and you are angels). So here are some groundrules that I have lived by in the past some are new some are old and its up to you to decide which ones are real:

You dance. If you have rhythm +1
You know the value of grace and form (and these are not dance terms)
You have done something small and selfless for someone that you know and no one knows about it not even the recipient.
You have done something amazingly awkward in public and can laugh about it (a little)
You like or own dogs.
You have gone through your gay adolescence of needing drugs, dancing, group sex.
You can still stay up till dawn on occasion doing all of the above.
You can stay home.
You understand balance
You read (books).
You first reaction is how to make things work rather than bitch about what is wrong with them.
You are not afraid of intelligence and you know that at times its trumped by common sense.
But common sense is not a replacement for teaching yourself to think.
You can make a mean margarita.
And you realize these rules are complete shit if I love you.

But

if

I

do

then they are probably in place.

July 18, 2002 11:23 AM

timing seems to be everything so the story goes. I am not sure. I think that the word "timing" has become the "whatever" of relationships endings.

guess who just had an episode of bad timing. Time to buy a new watch.

July 17, 2002 5:23 PM

duh

July 17, 2002 1:25 PM

and yes there are more and more baby pics

Day off- photo gallery tour. One thing about LA is there is a HUGE art scene.

I was talking to a 14 year old yesterday who has Cystic Fibrosis. How can I ever wake up and not do everything possible in a day when I have seen this really charming and sweet boy who knows he will probably never see 20. The image was only hammered home more as he wheeled his IV pole replete with many pumps and lines down the darkened hall towards his room, alone, at midnight.

I may be cracking up.

July 16, 2002 4:12 PM

for your viewing pleasure.

saw the kiddos today. man children are the timeline of our lives. Your friends more or less look the same with variations in hairstyles, waistsizes and unfortunate clothing choices. But when you are around the same kids time does not fly as much as flee. I dropped in to see my son and daughter (*commence freak out after that line 3...2...1..) Cameron (left) and Camille went from little "sleep eat sleep" machines to "I am awake and looking at your ugly pus so do something worth my while damnit." In other words they are alive and ready to go.

July 14, 2002 12:25 PM

ohhh child..... This was as usual the best. Next month is a must go. Of course I have the wonderful giving Brooke to thank for my pounding head and man did I talk some shit last night. Apologies to all. I think it was a combo of spending all day by myself reading, painting and looking at photos while all the time my mid was racing along and then when I hit real people the accumulated musings came flooding out. Not pretty.

Sometimes its surreal

Men in Black II. The best thing was the air conditioning in the theater and the company of the ever entertaining Max and Nick. Although the Michael Jackson character was really worth the price of admission.


This story is amazing.


Oil Standoff Women Threaten Nudity
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Filed at 3:03 p.m. ETESCRAVOS, Nigeria (AP) -- Unarmed village women holding 700 ChevronTexaco workers inside a southeast Nigeria oil terminal let 200 of the men go Sunday but threatened a traditional and powerful shaming gesture if the others try to leave -- removing their own clothes.
``Our weapon is our nakedness,'' said Helen Odeworitse, a representative for the villagers in the extraordinary week-old protest for jobs, electricity and development in Nigeria's oil-rich Niger Delta.
Most Nigerian tribes consider unwanted displays of nudity by wives, mothers or grandmothers as an extremely damning protest measure that can inspire a collective source of shame for those at whom the action is directed.
About 600 women from two nearby communities are holding ChevronTexaco's giant Escravos terminal. They range in age from 30 to 90 -- with the core group being married women aged 40 or older.
The women want the oil giant to hire their sons and use some of the region's oil riches to develop their remote and run-down villages -- most of which lack even electricity. The people in the Niger Delta are among the poorest in Nigeria, despite living on the oil-rich land.

The image conjured is one of silent dignity and absolute damnation. I would love to photograph this. To send a little missive to CheveronTexaco click here.

 

July 13, 2002 10:02 AM

thanks for all the wonderful links to beauty supply shops and the like. *sniff*

Saw Southern Baptists Sissys last night. Overall pretty enjoyable although the term "preaching to the choir" was never more apt.

And hit a billion dollar building to take pictures of shadows. Don't ask me why. I skipped the art and walked outside for an hour or so just snapping away.

July 12, 2002 11:12 AM


One of these things is not like the other.

It was a night of topless boys AND girls, pounding music, water dripping off bodies and even hot wax to benefit Aids Project Los Angeles thrown by Fresh! Events and Catering. In my years in LA I would be hard pressed to remember a night more low key, high energy and full of honest fun than last night.

It started with my fab neighbor Meg coming over to help Pyla out with makeup because I may wear a dress now and then but child when it comes to all the primp I know why woman hate men. First off I am running around the "Beauty Supply" store looking at ohhh a million types of lipstick, blush, mascara. In reality I think they bypassed Yucca Mountain for storing all that nuclear waste and instead are storing it in these places. And since I blew my budget in the woman's size 12 section at Payless it was all about "Queen Helene" and "Oh My Nappy Hair" Aisle.

So then I get the privilege of taking more time to shave (2 mach threes, three glasses of wine, one aretha Franklin CD (hummed) and 12 bics later) legs, arms, chest. I think shaving behind the knees can really only be done properly by a 12 year old Romanian gymnast. Its one of those time you are so grateful NOT to get a glimpse in the mirror.


So next time you see someone who looks like they spent more than five minutes getting ready say something because trust me its not for some inner peace nor some inner fulfillment that woman do it. Its to look fucking hot so some less than usual loser will pay some motherfucking attention....but I digress.

Notes on Drag

We were fair and there were four judges so when my honey won (or tied with first) it was on the up and up. He split with a really hot woman and in an all white gay bar to be a fierce black woman and get the crowd moving was something to be proud off.

So here are the money shots (and yes my batteries died and there were not enough pictures of the strippers because there were too many pictures of me me me so there. Next time you superglue nails on.) More pics to follow when I get them. Kudos to Jason and Chad from Fresh! for throwing a fierce night and raising money for APLA. They are the best and damn good caterers too.

 

Ohh and I would most assuredly get to the bottom of this AKA. The bio is mysterious to distraction.

July 10, 2002 11:01 PM

Sure I will go in drag. (as Pyla DeBree)

Sure I will be a judge

Sure I would love another margaritta.

hmmmm. Line three preceded the others I believe. Well anyway its me and my heels judging a strip contest to benefit APLA tomorrow at FUBAR. Cya there at 11pm.

Last time I went anywhere in drag promising to show at a friends bday party I run into Fawn Hall (of Olie North fame) whereupon she looks at my legs and says "I hate you". My response :"Thanks Shredder."

At least I got daniel to agree to strip.

Had a good day at work and vollyball and a hot tub with two cuties.

 

Ahh to bake bread with a friend and hit a fun BBQ good weekend.

July 9, 2002 11:42 AM

The planets traveled a course unknown to those who first gazed upon them but now are now known to follow simple, predictable eclipses. As we go through the orbits of our friends, tricks, co-workers and the general mish mash I always feel like there are some unseen laws at work. There are some basic rules I have come to appreciate which are obvious to most (Need finds Need, Like Builds on Like, Diversity is a marker of strength, Its always the quiet ones) Por Ejemplo:

Six Months Ago I was sitting getting my hair cut by the fab eddie which usually means margarita's and a free wheeling convo

Girl A: Hey you are just the type for a friend of mines brother. etc etc.

Me (slavishly single): uhh-huh. And what about him?

Girl A: Oh he has a boyfriend. I hate him.

Me: Pass

Four months ago same hairplace new margarita

Girl B: "Hey you are just my brothers type"

Me: "This sounds familiar. Tell me more"

Girl B: "Well he is "yadda yadda yadda" and he has a boyfriend I hate.

Me: (Laughing hard). "You know I heard this before and I don't do the date someone who HAS a boyfriend thing."

Girl B: laughing oh well.

Last night on my machine:

"Hey this is XXXX I got your number from my sisters hairdresser and wanted to know if you wanted to go out for coffee."

 

Analysis:

Like Dan and his friends in SF it is a good sign of a persons character when people like you enough to be your unknown cheerleaders.

 

Had a dream where I was being chased by a small baby elephant and finally I "remembered" some memory of the person I was in the dream of how to escape. Having memories in dreams that are not my own but rather my characters is kinda out there.

Is it just me or did everyone else just miss the fact that "WE ARE GOING TO WAR WITH IRAQ." Well maybe not just yet but the NYT article is worrisome. I can guarentee you we do not have "contigency plans" drawn up for Canada. Well ok we do but Mr. and Mrs. Ohgeezoh in MN may be at the Elks when we call for them to invade so where's the backup plan? Thats right there IS NO back up plan. Case rests.

Have to take BOTH my pediatric and Peds ER boards this summer. Ugh.

July 6, 2002 3:29 PM

Ahh what a great morning. Spent it with Darius, Mat and Ed. The conversation went from geosynch satellites to gay monogamy to the last time we were dancing till 4 am. A free range of ideas from three guys who have interesting ideas an interesting take on things. Very stimulating. It is my manner and goal to do as much as possible with as much meaning as possible now. For instance Darius can rip with the line "when I was working for Rand on the Air Forces satellite mapping....." geez. And no one is going to like this picture.

We are all going to be old and craggy one day and its more what we can talk about than how many lines we have on our stomachs or how much we bench press. But it would be nice to have both while we can.


I SAID IT BEFORE and I will say it again. Art is for Losers is brilliant.

Was up at 4am with a little kiddo whose intestines decided to zig when they should have zagged. So a little surgery later voila. What would have killed him in many countries today and all countries 100 years ago is dealt with. whew.

I am getting impish. Watch out. And I have it back from the Canon trolls. New lens and everything works. yee haaa.

Things never to say:

"Did you back it up?"

July 5, 2002 6:05 PM

ahh here she is my fab sister (on the right) (and current squeeze)who is becoming a darling of all the mags in Miami from the look of it. But I REMEMBER WHEN:

I traded a BB gun game for the rights to the upper bunk forever and ever and ever. Never to be given back no matter what.

Watched her and her friend do a show with her pony DappleFlower (mine was named the ever butch "thunderbolt")

She was yelling at me while we were driving home "come one your gay admit it!"

When she could throw the toll money from the PASSENGER SIDE WINDOW -over the car and get it in.

When she flew to NY arrived at 6 am and went straight to the Palladium to hear Junior play.

Riding our motorcycles forever in the broad open fields by our house to the edge of the everglades with the air hot and humid and the sky brilliant blue with the tropical rain clouds gathering for the afternoon showers.

When I bought wedding rings for my first boyfriend (he and I were both 17) and she was shocked saying "Are you sure about this?". I was so sure and it lasted five years and saved my life.

In Ecuador when we were little scared to death alone in this huge old mansion of our families. I read her this story from redbook about 100 times -no exaggeration. I had voices for all the characters including the swamp child and alligator. She loved that story. I can still remember that laugh that really only kids can muster. A literal squeal of thrill and excitement and even though you know its coming you still feel like peeing your pants or running around laughing.

 


vanessa in the red shirt.

 

July 3, 2002 4:58 PM

I seem to notice a pattern my pretties. Its a kind of bi weekly (corrected for my lapses away) but getting ready to cross the 20K mark. Christ on a broomstick. Do I have to take my clothes off now?

July 3, 2002 10:55 AM

Ahh the fourth and the subtle probes begin:

Where are you going?
With whom?
Staying where?

I lie. for a reaction.

Recent example: spending some time with a new group in an very nice place so people are up on their manners. After a day or so to those who care the socio-economic-intellectual ladder has been somewhat defined. But my friend is much more than some may give credit for so I just let drop at coffee "oh we have to go back to town since X is on the board of Y and they are having something this morning." One guys head snapped to attention and the questions flew. "What does that mean? How do you get on the board?" (seeing if $$$ or actual work mattered here ($$$ would have been sexier to him I feel)). etc. etc. Never a "congrats". I smiled and looked for clouds in my coffee. I am an ass.

My problem is that I want to get to the meat of the matter quickly and sometimes a little gentle dissection (or in some cases vivisection) goes a long way.

TWO glorious days off to absolutely waste by

1) watching and loving Tomb Raider. Exactly as advertised and not one brain cell more.
2) reading Foreign Affairs and trying to learn a little. Especially since they are not always correct of rather some articles are very skewed and it is nice to read an intelligently written article that makes you form an appropriate response versus the purile sources we call news these days. whew. guess I need to lay off it for a while. back to LOTR.
3) Feeling like an absolute ass thinking of past occurrences that seem to have a hold on the endless loop tape in my brain. I get up and down off my own damn crosses so much its like Cross Aerobics and I think that has something to do with my perky ass.
4) Spending a ton of money on framing

 

And from Etta James:

"That girl you had didn't have no sense
She was not worth all that time that you spent

She had another man throw you outdoors
Now that same man is wearing your clothes

Now come on tell Mama All about it"

 

July 2, 2002 11:35 PM

I was so not the pretty one.

Oh I was having fun.

But Dan was the pretty one.

And I did not mind.

hmmmm. I think its a really good thing.

SF pride is so much more diverse and energetic than many others. We had a great time. I had time with some great friends and then did not have time with others. So that is my fault but considering the amount of Tequila that the girls and myself went through saying hi to anyone was a miracle in itself.

I learned that:

Inspired loyalty in friends speaks volumes
Spending an afternoon eating gelato is heaven
I can be happy and it can be in many different forms
I need to lay off the margarita's
A persons actions scream while their words whisper
There are some amazing people out there

and here are some pixs of Dan, Diana, Lisa, Cherie, Nancy among others. Kudos for Cherie who took these pictures.

June 27, 2002 9:07 AM

Off to SF for a little fun in the fog. Pride in different cities is very very different. NY's too me is still the one that rocks the world maybe its the Stonewall history or watching everyone march in front of the Public library lions (Originally, they were called Leo Astor and Leo Lenox, as Lord Astor and Lady Lenox (named after the founders of the NYPL). Since the 1930s they've been known at Patience and Fortitude.)

June 26, 2002 5:27 PM

I want flash. I want sexy minamilist site with just that right degree of nuance and intrigue that draws you deeper or at least makes you think "hey here is one Ben Sherman wearing, titanium frame glasses seeing, man purse (ok courier bag) slinging, design consciounce to death man who I want to be with." And then I fire up dreamweaver and simply change my background color (to the closest Hermes orange I could muster) since I am some but not all of the above.

So I totally make this diagnosis. Nail it to the wall like a second hand savior. It feels kinda good. (not the nailing the savior part.. well maybe it is that directly.. i mean I am from Miami and we don't have the nice Italian crucifixes. In Rome he looks like he is sleeping or getting ready for his pilates class or going for some Yoga pose. Our's are studies in gore. I mean he was NAILED to the cross. There is blood dripping into his eyes, dripping onto the hands and feet. Kinda creepy.)

I am going to SF Gay pride for some fun. LA was surprisingly fun. I must admit. I was in a weirdo state with the current beau but we're over that and I had a great time. But since my dig cam is in the hands of the evil canon trolls WHO DO NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF TIME ... alas no pixs.

 

June 22, 2002 10:00 AM

oh and a huge apology/clarification is due. When I ramble, rattle and wander amongst my lovely electrons here do not take anything too literally. I would never put something here to address someone personally. I find that waiting until they are in a nice dining establishment then showing up all tattered, torn and bloody and screaming something like "There you son of a bitch I told you I could get myself out of the trunk!" usually works.

Some people thought I was referring to them directly over some thoughts on kids, circuit parties, kids at circuit parties, etc.

These are just musings that have surfaced and like most thoughts they have long tails and noses that are hidden underneath. So whats here is either the beginning middle or end but never all. My basic rule is that if you have my number and need to say something call Ms. Cleo first cuz grl you cha bettah no whatcha r gonna say rit diz time.

 

June 18, 2002 11:22 PM

How fantastic it is to have a dinner with a good friend where you can build on private thoughts and deepen an understanding of yourself and your friend AND have a filet mignon tender enough to make love to. If you are in the hood hit ALEX a new restuarant on Melrose near highland. Very good food (a little too preciously presented) not for the faint of heart, diet or checkbook. PS if I could not embaress Bryce enough check out Up North with Bryce he is the whole enchilada.

Beefcake Bryce (who is now regretting he ever sent me this)

June 17, 2002 10:14 AM

Clarification. I do not detest Vegas. It does not hold the allure for me that it does for others. I fell into the trap of espousing a strong feeling of implied judgment for a place or person. It seems that strongly held opinions in my mind come from one of two places. Highly educated and reasoned sources or drastically less informed and reactionary places. I fall into both camps daily. When someone spends $300 for Prada sunglasses I roll my eyes yet shell out the same for a piece of plastic that plays music (IPod). This is not a glass house argument rather it is that I should mind my own business argument. Why even THINK about what someone else's car costs and what cloths they are wearing. What does it have to do with my life?

Ahhh here comes the answer and it is sobering.

I live in a place where a lot of people care. And it is insidious.

I live in LA and even though this is true wherever you go there are more of these types here just as there are more cowboys in Texas. And I find the Wallpaper lifestyle attractive in some sense of attention to substantive style the external definition of an internal sense of being is disturbing. If Diesel jeans truly fit you better go for it but I defy anyone to defend Pradas bag making prowess.For as much as some of my friends spend on Gucci, Prada, Puma and the like the most style comes from the same people wearing their 5 dollar Venice glasses, army surplus pants and a T.

I am coming to a place where I do not react to what others have or don't since that does not affect my life in the least. But it bothers me that I am viewed differently based on what I may be driving or wearing. I think that THIS is the frustration many feel. A wonderful guy who is 300lb will not be the same star as some vapid 90 lb brat. It my quiet revolution to avoid acting like this. I would love Bryce (above) in any incarnation and hat (just so happens he looks like this here and now).

June 15, 2002 6:32 PM

Had a great time visiting Las Vegas and actually went to a T&A bar. I was with my fav straight bud and he took me out to a "bush bar" (their appelation not mine).

Notes to self at 3am drunk in a bush bar while my friend is getting a lap dance:

Stayed at the Hard Rock and if you have to stay in Vegas (a place I really detest) this is the place to stay. The median age is less than 125 and the polyester jump suits are checked at the door. But living a straight boys life for a few days was interesting. My friend and I sit down eat we are invisible. We had two cute chicas we picked up sit with us- instant radar detection. Other guys scope us out. other girls scope us out. amazing.

 

June 10, 2002 9:17 AM

Is it the mid-life thing? (am I there?) When does ones trajectory change? Is it all internal? When does putting down roots equal putting down expectations? Is it the way we are wired? Do I stay here and become a Pillar of the Community or go and travel from spot to spot engaging in a myriad of experiences meeting different people but perforce of the lifestyle never getting those friendship that can only come from long periods of time and experience? Do I look forward to years of building programs here to have plaques and dinners or rather end up in a small hut cared for by villagers in a remote jungle the end of a lifetime of journey's breathing my last, unknown to those around me and then placed in the jungle in a small but meaningful ceremony? Do I say what I mean or revel in this "Sex in the City" rhetoricism (my very own word so there)? I have always liked the tail ends of a bell curve in case you were wondering.

It makes me sick that I HAVE to consider buying a house because I am being taxed and punished for not having one. I love that some people have houses love them and cherish where they live. I enjoy where I live but its "Incidental not Integral" (from Harold and Maude).

It makes me happy that I spent the night with an old friend and her husband and two kids who were a joy to play with. Her husband is a LAPD SWAT armorer so lots of fun voyeuristic SWAT stories.

And it makes me ultra happy that my friend are sending me pixs of themselves showing their best sides- thanks D!.

Again Jake comes through on this link.-

and if you are on this coast check this out. Next time is 2005

 

June 5, 2002 11:37 AM

Wow. Just got the stats for the week. Thanks. Now I better pony up some flesh or something better than the usual drivel. nah...

The dig camera is still in the shop so no steamy men photos yet.

I recommend the house special.

Snapshots:

Lying on my horse back looking up at the beams of the stables and feeling the air grow cold and moist as a thunderstorm came across the fields.

Coming into my room and seeing Michael W. sitting in an old metal dental I had near the window, the light from the street making his body a study in bright planes, curves and dark contrasts. His skin was the alabaster of a statue. He took my breath away.

Sucking ethel off a prostitutes shirt at the Saint at large party in my first year of med school. (one time only thankfully)

Feeling my heart beat so hard and fast when I went into my first gay bar in Ithaca New York.

Having a patient of mine hold my hand while I walked her down the hall.

Crying in public after my ex who slept with me the night before told me in the middle of a crowd there was no chance of us getting back together.

May 31, 2002 8:03 AM

I think formality is not always bad.
I dress up to travel.
I use my full name in introductions.
I ask before topping.

 

Its gone, dead, kaput. Just when we were doing so well. I mean we really did make beautiful things together. Ok maybe I should have been more careful with something so delicate but sometimes you don't know what you had until there is that void in your life. I am waiting to see if there is any hope. If not I have the new one already in line.

Am loving the summer because not every kid in the world is sick (only every other).

Thoughts on the local circuit: Went to the Mayan (huge old theater in Downtown LA) for what is in all honesty a circuit party. 90% of the attendees were on something the shirts were off and the music sucked. I have been in the biz for a while having my fun but never getting too deep into any one scene and now I am glad that is the case. It seems that there are a type of people who crave the Gay Family. That group that goes by various monikers "core group", "inner circle" etc. Who does not want close friends? What's the issue? Well after watching several Core Groups I notice a few things. The first is that its playground sociology 101. There are the few leaders, the eccentric kid, the funny kid and then the followers. I saw several groups over the night and what is amazing is that for the past 4-5 years they are still the same people to a great extent. I base this on no deep knowledge of them personally but on what they present to the world. They look the same act the same and really sound the same. And all this "Coreness" inhibits new friends and experiences to my mind. I see the same group in bar after bar or out dancing and they are all together never really mixing it up. I need people to challenge my views and say I am wrong, right or who the hell really cares. It is great to develop deep friendships but when I hear statements like "Is that from the inner circle" or "These are my core friends" is sounds so at once exclusionary and needy like an IV infusion of a velvet rope.

 

May 24, 2002 2:48 PM

from the archives. Gay Pride Toronto.

Well spending the time seemingly existing rather than being.Need to paint/photograph something new soon I think.

The babies are home and Cameron is seeing how it is to live life like a supermodel (which he is going to be, we all know that because Our babies are the best and the brightest as a mattter of fact we were contacted by the UN for DNA samples lest an errant meteor crash into the earth they will at least be preserved...) or at least that is how every one thinks I am supposed to think. Instead I am happy that Aly and Denise are having a family. But it is not my family nor are they MY children. I fully realized that helping them out and being available for the kids as they grow older and can understand what their family structure is will be very important. But I know and knew that I am not ready to be a father for all that encompases yet or ever. People seem to be upset with this as if "why don't you want to etc.." When I listern to this and let my quiet mind absorb versus react the lesson I get for me to use is this:

Sometimes we want other people to act as we feel like we should act. Not as we actually do but as we feel like we should. It then requires an examination of presumptions and that is something that takes work and effort. And most times we do not have the whole story.

Just whatz up with me.

oh and I have a boyfriend;) (sly dog)

May 16, 2002 2:44 PM

Went to Paso Robles to meet up with Daniel who is doing the California Life Cycle (the Gay and Lesbian Centers version of the Aids Ride (re: Pollata <sp?> raised a lot of money and that is great and no one should begrudge him that but his cut is now verging on the unseemly (as was his SUING the gay and lesbian center to try and stop their version of the ride) So thanks a lot Dan but whenever greed sets in its best to step out.

So went up had a great night of hottubs, carbo loading and seeing Dan in tight bright clothes. Loved the volunteers (below). oh and the standard new haircut photo. And if I get one doogie comment I will flame you to death.

Thoughts while talking to the Kragen Auto Guy:

He looked up to get the directions correct in his head and then he spoke towards the inner image of his mind concentrating so hard to get the turns correct that he did not even notice how deeply I was looking into his beautiful gray/green eyes. The light was soft and diffuse at that time of day and I saw face prone to softness but not yet and I lived a life in those few moments while he gave me directions.

and who said Paso Robles had nothing to offer.

May 13, 2002 8:02 PM

Been bit by a dog? Are you a Speleologist? Well my friend's there is a Patron Saint for YOU! Yes that is right. Seems that once those priest can get their hands off 8 yr. olds they are making Patron Saints by the bucket full. Here is the full list for your viewing and saving pleasure. What is interesting is the US does not have a saint. We have an event- The Immaculate Conception I am confused or to quote from the movie Snatch (see it) "In the Words of the Virgin Mary : "Come Again"".

 

May 13, 2002 11:06 AM

Four days off what to do?

1) work out. 1 year off from the gym is enough. Also when you are starting to see someone who is bikes from SF to LA there is a standard to maintain.

2) Get some new photos developed!!

3) Take some new photos

4) Pick up my car at SFO and drive back. I have been driving around LA in a very servicable car but it is a midget next to these behemoths on the road. For fun I printed out in huge font size:"You Car Sucks" and "FEEL HIGH AND MIGHTY?..YOUR NOT." then I lay them on the passenger seat because I have noticed that invariably people scan my fucking life from their piles of steel at stop lights. I thought of some good gay porn with my stethescope lying across it as a follow up but figured that it may be too hard to see. I did see one womans reaction and was pleased. And if you gentle reader own one of these cars I make no apologies. If you need it great. Have horses, five kids etc. But if all you have is a gym bag, small penis and psych needs satisfied by what is by all accounts a waste of resources think about it. I love the concept of "wa" which in Japan is used to keep the overall harmony of others in mind in you own life. (loose translation). Not to take this too far of course but little things like taking you cart back to the front of the supermarket after unloading to your car is not about "being a good citizen" but about keeping your thoughts on others and their needs. The most beautiful people I know have this sense of we over I.

that being said. I was thrilled to see the new mini-coopers appearing all over SanFrancisco like popcorn.

 

More Pictures on the Delivery Page.

ALSO Allyson and Denise (the moms) are a couple in this months Advocate. So check it out.

Thoughts on the ground: When children are a theory it is so much different when they are right there staring you in the face. And the freaky thing is how much Cameron looks like me when I was a kid. Most people will say that a baby looks like the father since that is the biological uncertainty and socially we have developed behaviors to affirm the fact. (when the neurons fly...)

May 9, 2002 7:02 PM

I am so tired that it hurts. The babies are HERE!You may not know that I am the donor father for twins. I was in San Francisco with Dan having a great time at cocktails with Diane and Lisa when THE CALL came. Of course it was all about rushing to SFO parking the car jumping a flight and taxi to the Hospital. After a night of contractions and red bull (she had the contractions) and a day of the blessed Epidural we have Cameron and Camille with us. I am so tired its all I can do to put this up. So enjoy and be happy. If you know me and are reading this we as a family have gotten larger and what a ride this is going to be.

San Fran with Dan (where he is scantily clothed)

The Delivery

May 7, 2002 9:10 AM

getting in gear for SFbiker Dan

God save me from guys (specifically Doctors) who have Short Man Syndrome. Had a less than fun run in with an older Doc (and I know I look like Doogie etc etc, been hearing it for years) so he immediately assumes I am an idiot (versus letting me prove it on my own usually on a dance floor when a really cute bayous involved). He is "taking over the case" after 5 seconds in the unit. I know its a Testosterone thing and I rarely suffer from it but these guys bring it out in me. They are abusive to the nurses etc etc. So standing fully upright (albeit not that tall but much taller than this guy) I reply "well its my unit (ICU) and once I discharge him from here to the floor you can take him dancing for all I care but for now he is in my unit and you do not have privileges here." I have rarely seen so many shades of red in one face at one time. I was tempted to get swatches out and see if he went with my sofa.


Off to San Francisco. With Daniel who is doing the Aids Ride. He has done this three times before (and has the legs and ass to prove it). So if you wanna sponsor a rider and feel all warm and fuzzy (and if you give me a heads up about it) I will do my best to make you feel warm and fuzzy too.

May 2, 2002 8:41 PM

Man I am SO SPOILED. Had a great afternoon hanging on the porch with two great guys. Having margaritas and washing (or rather watching) the car get washed. Thank you Daniel! Check out the photos. It is disconcerting when your friends get really hot when you turn your back. Still unpacking.

And how come every time you show someone new through your new place they make comments such as "Oh I could not share a bathroom" or "I love fireplaces" or "I am so jealous" all this I I I shit. Listen people its not about how you could live in my space. I have noticed this after the tenth or twentieth time. EVERY body (except those who are really centered or actually went to finishing school) makes these comments. I like you all but DO not try to see how of if you can live here just see it and imagine the times I will hold your hair when ...well you know.

May 1, 2002 7:25 PM

Living in the equivalent of a trailer park after the tornado. I actually was moving cardboard boxes just stacking them on top of each other to find some some scrubs this morning.

Had a a patient in the hospital for fifteen days with disease X and we figured it out. Have to say I am more than a little relieved feeling kinda importent facing that family everyday but it worked out. A specialist wanted to cut the kid lose and my partner and I stuck to our guns and we were right. Its not the being right thing (that much) its the fact that we went with out instincts and against the grain.

oh got that song up sorry.

boring life right now. But a friend is cooking me dinner. Whee.

 

April 28, 2002 11:13 AM

The best word in the English Language: Movers. I was always of the belief that if you can not move all your stuff by yourself or with a few friends you a) either had too much stuff or b) had too few friends. Well constant reader I stand corrected. I shed all excess shit long ago and am down to basics but I still mananged to fill 30 boxes (not large) These guys showed up and on THREE hours all my shit including the best desk/table in the world (clocking in a at. million pounds) AND I LOVE THE NEW HOUSE. Great space and flow and dare I say energy.

Moving is best done to Lesbian/Womyn follk music I find. Michelle Shocked's album "Captain Swing" and the song Mona Lisa is a fav. It seems that the process of moving for me allows a reflection and a reassessment. I find letters from old lovers (a letter from my first boyfriend at the five month mark when we spent a holday apart (1983) had a whole lot of impact), cards, party invites, and basically stuff that makes you think I was there and now I am here. Am I better?

April 25, 2002 4:34 PM

All right pilgrim gonna move this wagon train out a here. Back in a few days. Take the test. I scored dead on 50%.

http://www.channel4.com/gayometer

 

April 22, 2002 3:56 PM


springtime fresh

Ahhh the denial of moving...Sure I do not have that much stuff. nah it wont take that long to move at all. Right. But SHARI sweet darling SHARI has offered TWICE to be a moving fool with me. I shall have to build her a statue.

April 21, 2002 0:48 AM

What a fun day. Went to the Gay Rodeo and wore the shit kicking boots, met some friends and re-met some old (very humpy) friends and ex "friends" and made some new ones. So all in all a fun day. (and I love wearing heels I can kick a truck with). Something about hot men in boots and hats makes me go weak.

April 19, 2002 11:09 PM

Dinner, drinks and a taste of the new hood.

 

Listening: Tori Amos
Reading: Agnus (amazing comic strip), Emily.

And the lessons come down to my shoulder like a carrion crow after a good meal. I have been having this internal dialouge about someone i went on one date with and then went LA. Whats that? Well instead of "what could happen" I prognosticated, projected, supposed and all that crap and basically flaked. So for the past few weeks i have been screwing up the wherewithall to make some contact. But last night at dinner I asked a friend (who I love to death and total truth be told asked him to give me his take on the guy I flaked on before the actual flake event) "so who are you seeing?" his response: Yes folks he is seeing the guy I flaked on.

They are having a WEEKEND AWAY whispers the crow....it could have been you....as the fetid smell of my own rotting pathology overwhelms me....

But then....

My friend Serge (my sister I bonded with in Botswana)said "grrrl thats when you know it is time to leave town." and I laughed and got over myself.

The babies are coming. Less than a month now....oh jeez.

April 19, 2002 0:10 AM

OK OK Ok OK Ok I know i was trying to Sandra Bullock in 28 days, I made it three. 3 yes that # if you hit the shift key f$^$&$%&er. so there and when I put the pix up you'll be happy. Until then enjoy this. Its the reason cats are the other white meat.

 

And this thing is fun. Sit still for a second then move your cursor closer and closer......

Both compliments of theplasticcat.com

April 18, 2002 4:33 PM

had a fun day hiking with the dogs. And even changed a flat tire. for the completely boring 35 sec compiliation of how i waste my time. (now that I know I can do this quickly I will try to be more creative!)

April 18, 2002 10:42 AM

THESE ARE THE TIMES TO HAVE!! I love the whole concept.

 

From MAX.


"Asians fuming over Abercrombie & Fitch's new t-shirts
The shirts feature caricatured faces with slanted eyes and
rice-paddy hats. One has a slogan that
says, "Wong Brothers Laundry Service -- Two Wongs Can Make
It White." A&F's PR person says: "We
personally thought Asians would love this T-shirt." Wrong.
(San Francisco Chronicle)

For the Article

... in the fall, watch for A & F's new "Sambo" line."

-Max

A&F Spokesperson Killed by Laundry

-Reuters

In an apparent first homicide by laundry Biff Skipson was killed by his own clothing. While at work in his capacity of A&F Spokesperson Biff was returning from the interoffice lunch shirtless rugby match when after donning his "all cotton, brand new yet worn in" $35.00 T shirt he started to in the words of witnesses "smolder and smoke". In a matter of seconds Biff was brisket according to witnesses.

We have no suspects at this time. The police have hired a detective agency suggested by the company .The agency quickly cleared the Wong Bros. Cleaners. Recently hired by the company for their "hereditary talent in laundry".

Reached for comment on the beach in Quog Mr. Skipsons supervisors first reaction was to set up a Chelsea Gym Scholarship in his name and dedicated a new bench press machine.

April 16, 2002 8:19 PM

Beauty Flows Through All

Ok I know I am going to catch it for this one but this girl has an odd hobby. It is good to have a hobby but if I were her little brother I would watch it. Thanks Jake for the link.

Have this girl in the unit. The problem with Peds is are they crying for attention or is there really something there?

Joined the 20 things list. Where 20 people make 20 things in 20 days and mail them to random people all over. kinda fun and random.

Finishing mine tonight will follow with photo.

April 14, 2002 11:23 PM

Guess I was talking to heather graham last night at Drag Strip. Don't remember but Jamie tells me I liked her hat. It so funny that I live here since I don't watch TV (save for 6 feet, and Sex and the City on tape) or have any cult of celebrity bones in my body. sigh.. too many Mai Tais.

I was listening to this story on the radio about a great program that takes inmates and teaches them to garden and plant trees and get a work ethic/routine going and lo and behold treat someone with respect and they commit less crime. But that's not what made me sit up. This amazing woman started this program because she said that she read Grapes of Wrath and the point she took from the book was that city dwellers need to get more in touch with the land for a sense of balance. ????? To my mind the book had another point entirely. But she unlike me did something great with her thoughts.

I work in Tarzana. It is a portion of LA that is where the northern part of LA enters the Valley.

To say this in LA is like saying you live in Jersey to a New Yorker.

It has become yet another addition to my Social Litmus Test. If the other person has any negative opinion whatsoever its clear they do know shit. I have had people say to my face "Oh, I am sorry." Then when I politely ask if they have ever been in Tarzana the answer was no. My reply (which my friend wrote down so he can use it forever he claims) "Excuse me but I have to go and sit by myself and think about how many times I made a statement of derision in which I demonstrated my ignorance as aptly as you just did. I am sure it has happened but now that I see its face clearly I want to understand it a but more to ensure I never do what you just did."

April 14, 2002 11:14 AM

Uke's, rum and the best hostess in the city. Every Thursday she hosts an art get together just to make stuff have somewine and let all that creative energy flow.

But then it was drag strip and lets just say it gets a little hazy......(but I did look kind a funny).

April 12, 2002 9:58 PM

god damn. Its so great. Sex and The City. I see it and relive those days when I was the one dating the Kuwati ambassador at Windows (yes that Windows) then waking up to look at by Notre Dame.....

April 12, 2002 8:37 PM


"NEXT TIME I AM GOING TO BITE THAT BITCHES TITS OFF"

It's those interstitial spaces I love the best. The social meanings that come from silence, a grunt an uncomfortable silence. Its so damn nasty and uncomfortable.... people rush to the void to fill it. I had a long ass weekend found a FAB house to live in so that is a good thing. Of course first rent check I am the one crying.

So you see this guy who has that perfect unkempt brown hair that makes your fingers flex invoulntarily and he has that NOT BOUGHT AT A&F shirt that still screams athletic history, a zillion washes and that little extra second being held before being put on, thrown into the washer yet again or more hopefully ripped off to reveal that lithe ripped but in an unassuming way alabaster white body with its traipsings of hair concentrated just enough to make your eye travel from contour to plain like a shooting star across the expanse of his body while not wanting anything more than to hold and be with you can smell the sweat and .... but I diverge.. good night. oh

and a fantastic dinner with some great guys....
Its only Boiling Water

 

April 7, 2002 11:22 PM

Well I guess I did not get in the car. (see previous) So its me on the side of the road again. (I am wearing Bugle Boy)

Sometimes it can get hard.

from around

1) Eddie the Heroin of Hair. The only guy to cut my hair in 8 years. His clients never leave him. One flies in from TEXAS every month. Where else can you get your haircut and have a margarrita.

2/3) Drive bys.

April 5, 2002 11:20 PM

Somehow fitting

I know what I need to do. Its staring me in the face. just sitting there like a patient red assed baboon. Damn I hate this part. We all know its coming and we stand there looking at the lights get bigger and brighter. Do we get out of the way or get in the car and see whats out there?

 

April 3, 2002 11:14 PM

"yeah I have it right here" God damnit. I need to edit re write this thing. What thing? Well an article on Southern Africa. Seems that little ol me has been asked to jot some things down for publication. Yeah. Well sitting down in front of a tweaked out Mac with broadband, limewire, ipod, Dreamweaver and two margarritas (who WANTS to get up again) to actually write is like asking a three year to sit in the middle of FAO Schwartz and do his multiplication tables. So true to fashion I am starting now after working in the office all day and having a full day tomorrow.

Loving Ultrasparky more and more. Met him once. Did not make a good impression. Was too nervous talked too much. I am so bad at that. He is really cute too. and con new boyfriend which is great.

 

And Jesus is with you. Look and SEE. oh no. I read the bio. and this is either the most brilliant thing ever or its totally for real which makes this stratospheric.

From the mail bag:

"Oh, by the way - you DO realize that you probably possess the ONLY gay
owned website on the entire internet that does not have the requisite dick
picture, right?
Thanks for putting all of your thoughts and feelings and musings out there
for public consumption. As someone who misses an old friend, it was like a
nice hug."

 

April 1, 2002 9:47 PM

o god damnit Had a great dinner with Joe (a friend who was a federal prosecuter (think Gotti) and knows all the "made" boys. Fav Story: The mob boss who walks into a roomfull of FBI lawyers and agents to "protect her".She takes a drag on her cigarette (in the hospital)and says "protect me you all look like fucking game show hosts"). I see this woman eating alone and she has style and something going on so we say hi and totally table jumping in Bev Hills (capitol of not table jumping ) and proceed to drink and laugh and carry on like people should. Turns out she is a lesbian from london. Fun fun time. talk of London etc. So we set her up as much as we can with names and places to go. Its the beauty of going out.

 

oh Mark is a prophet

April 1, 2002 3:28 PM

arrgh..... never start a three part series and expect to put it down,. JUST getting to my first cup of coffee. Is today the day I go back to the gym day? Maybe. I almost sliced off my right thumb about six months ago and had the worlds best excuse not to work out. So here I am not working out. Eating OK and really not that different. I am a little smaller but every one KNOWS their currency and mine never was my body. Its standard issue fag with an upgrade in the ass department. I am more a cute/funny/smart thing. So that's the hook and I can't seem to find a machine for it at Gold's.

April 1, 2002 1:33 PM

My relief arrived. How will I do this. After three days of living at the Hospital and not sleeping, working out, not eating right (Easter+Pediatrics+Hospital= More candy than you have EVER seen) I am a little worried. Have to find some balance here.

Writing my first travel article. Time to put all my creative money where my mouth is. Lets see... I before E... except when its really good E.

Looking for a place to live officially sucks. I can not even imagine trying to buy a house. I am always amazed by my friends who buy this house then move or buy other places. I think I missed an essential class in this whole life progression thing. I DO NOT want to be socially engineered to buy a house settle down etc. (like I am not socially engineered to go have cocktails at the drop of a gay hat. hmm have to look at that one. But tell me the last time looking for apartments got you laid. (Actually I really want to hear)

April 1, 2002 7:15 AM

yawn, tell me its a joke. Worked all weekend. A busy ass weekend. Admitted 5 kids to the ICU and about a billion to the regular..really a billion ,,all of communist China is there. I love that term "Communist China" makes ya miss Nixon a little. Peoples Republic sounds like I can get a nifty sweater/shoe set on the promenade. But I digress... I have been looking at Monday as Salvation. But NO. for some reason my name is on THE SCHEDULE so say the nurses. I ask her to look at it carefully as if under her withering gaze the name will change and it will in fact be another name anyname, EMO, ELMO, Lou Rawliings, Mason anyone. I spoke to the other doc last night and she said she would be in today so are we both wrong.... will she show up...I sit here hoping...and not going back to sleep.

Christ may have risen but I need a cup of Joe.

March 30, 2002 0:34 AM

Sunrise driving back from San Francisco.

I find it disturbing that on the NYT website the story that Opera is not going to Afghanistan is the same font size as the story of the soldiers who died today. Ok so maybe I clicked on the Opera story first but it was an angry click one even shaded with a little worldweariness. What really kills me is that the whole trip was a fucking publicity stunt to drum up support in
"key groups" like the war needs some kind of focus group. I need Dog time like never before.

ALL day at the hospital. 7 am until 11pm. Yawn. Some cute kids. Everyone and their brother wants to be out for Easter. I am like the cruel jail warden walking up and down the halls with those large keys peculiar to jail wardens jangling (they are THAT big no jingling here bucko) saying "yah kid no eggs for you and stop that bawling fer Christ's sake".

Have a kid with progressive intractable seizure which are going to end up killing him. And he is with it to an extent. He can tell you how he feels WHILE he is seizing. Its a soul hit that's for sure.

Is Alanis stuck in the "ENYA sound the same every album" vortex?

Top 5 ways to be late:

1) Turn on the computer
2) Walk by the computer
3) Think about the computer
4) Make lame top 5 lists on the computer
5) KNOW BRYCE. No one else can manage to call me just as I am literally walking out the door and since when can you say no to Bryce. It's gotten that if he calls and I am not walking out the door I am THAT late. I am late for being late. He is goading me into less lateness. I have to catch up with myself so he can make me late.

 

I realize that I will never have as cool a name as other blogs (dullrazors being a fav.) Also sometimes they are more like click here go there versus stay wallow digest the styrofoam peanuts that is my existence.

March 28, 2002 12:13 PM


Captain my Captain.

Ok I cried like a prom queen ok.. so there. you try not to... I dare you...

Then hit another car again and went out for Jaimes Bday. And a little background. For all the talk and Strum und Drang of our lives very few people actually DELIVER. These are people who do not talk a good game but actually come through. They are not as common as one would think. Well James is one such guy and for as crazy as he can get (and we love him for it) when the shit hits my fan he is there with a towel (and a change in the back of his car).

 

Oh and its offical I am moving into Town. See how the Mojo is working over there.

March 27, 2002 11:07 AM

Watching

 

Off for some sailing! If I survive pictures of course to follow. Happy birthday Jaime!

March 27, 2002 0:38 AM

where the magic happens (desk built by Terry and Eric).

PS If you want to know the chronicler of our time, what will be reviewed by generations to come its the Simpsons. If you can not get that sit down and watch only one episode. The overall and scary high level of quality maintained these many years is freaky.

Stranded in Seattle

March 26, 2002 10:03 AM

FINALLY the Australia photos are here.

And in the midst off all the reverly this song kept coming back to me again and again. Here are the lyrics but the song is haunting and gorgeous sung by Eva Cassidy.

The sweetest love I ever had I left aside
Because I did not want to be any mans bride
But now I'm older and married I would be
I found my sweetheart but he would not marry me
When I was younger the boys all came around
But now I'm older and they all settled down
Control you mind my girl and give your heart to one
For if you love all men you'll be surely left with none
Tall trees in Georgia they grow so high
They shade me so and sadly walking down through the thicket I go

 

March 25, 2002 9:51 PM

Comedy/Tragedy at the Oscar Party.

 

The only downside to digital cameras is the unlimited ability to take shots of things that you really did not think about or frame etc. When I walk around a wall or something I consider interesting with a film camera I think a lot more. With a digital its all snap snap snap and I get some great stuff as good as with film but its a more throw it up and see what sticks kind of feel. I remember seeing Motherwell going through some silk-screens one day in New York and he just went through 20 or so all varying by a little bit some color off here or there. Choose the ones he liked and they became "instant classics" (by that time any scribble he did was worth thousands). Where is the art in that? You can argue that it was his eye and it was but I would like to think that something more goes into it but then again with some of my favorite stuff it was all reflex. My thought is that some people have the substrate and every encounter and experience gets put through some process, filtered and incorporated into them and after a short or long time comes out in their creations.

 

Joined a darkroom group in SF. Really excited. Darkrooms esp large group ones create such an odd social situation. We are in a private creative space but sharing with others. So the banter is kept to a minimum and I feel like an idiot with too many test strips floating accusingly in the wash. But what is great is the occasional comment or suggestion. And the array of people developing is amazing. It really charges me to see the process others go through.

Some new banality.

 

Fish-O-Rama

Up North

March 20, 2002 0:59 AM

wow I am going through some pix from australia and man I look really bad, really ugly, trollish (one or two l's?) thank god. I say this secure in the knowledge that I really am not that bad yet but I WILL be. Because we all lose our looks and we have to come to terms with it (a fav quote by a former US ambassador to France "I am as ugly as a foot" <fking brilliant>) so stretch out now chilren b/c its coming. and buzzed tho I am I not that far gone to show you the proof but heres a weird bug picture from Port Douglas Australia

 

March 19, 2002 11:14 PM

oh god oh god oh god. this is the best stuff that I have read in a long time. Read down a little its brilliant.

So I am driving down the freeway singing and wearing a santa hat (usually reserved for Dec but I found it in my trunk and why not). Smile already. I was having a great time.

The beauty of having a good time by yourself is that when you are bored of it you can just stop. The jokes don't get old and there is not that five minute minute when everyone at the table gets a little fidgety and then the inevitable "Well...." happens.

I am not good at stopping.

March 19, 2002 12:03 PM

In response to some questions I am 37 not 27. If that makes a difference for ya. good.

God I hate being right sometimes. Below is a partial email (names changed to keep them from getting pissed off at me). Highlights are mine. (response to an invite for a birthday party this weekend)

Received both this and your VM from last night. Would love to be there, however, we have accepted an invitation for a party that evening....
Would love to treat for a birthday drink at a later date.
Hope all is great...have to sign off as it's another busy day...
Love ya,

For reference see this.

March 19, 2002 11:12 AM

Great Monday. Started a great book. (amazing writing and already a hard to put down book). Shot a little pool with Adam. (Who like all people I come to know and really like is moving back east). Well yet another "favorite city" link for American Airlines.

In LA it is illegal to smoke in restaurants and bars. Which is great since after a night out you come home and don't reek of someone else's habit. And before you smokers get all bent out of shape I smoked for two years (while in medical school, go figure) and still have one every once in a while but I am also polite about it. I do not feel it is my god given right to do it anywhere I like. And I find a goddamn ashtray too. In Sydney there is a huge campaign to eliminate all the butts in the street etc. and it works. Tons of smokers and it is looked down upon to throw your butts in the street.

But that's all political crap.

What I find interesting is the social aspect of smoking in LA. In SF or NY you can fire it up and still have a conversation here people sneak away like a wounded cat to have a light. I believe you should have the power of your addictions.

 

In SF for a few days so take care.

March 18, 2002 3:22 PM

Its all about tables today.

I am leaving the beach.

I am moving to west Hollywood/Hollywood

Anyone who has an opinion on that can file it downtown

There are certain migratory paths that homos seem to take depending on socioeconomic/personally pathologic grounds.

LA--->NY New Job New Boyfriend New Brain
NY--->LA New Job No body is that good in bed Brain Freeze for half the year.
       
LA---->SF Need a Job Need new boyfriend Need other brains
SF---->LA</