On Holding On,

Sometimes I hold on to tight. To people, to hurts, to conceptions I have of people, to behavior. It hit me the other day when I ran into someone on the street the other day that for a while I really did not relish running into. The base of the problem stemmed from a breakup years ago where basically everybody myself included acted like asses. So I run into him, almost literally, with same ex boyfriend and maybe it was the sunny day, my recent vacation, my new squeeze, the unexpectedness of it but instead of all the history coming to the fore and coloring my reactions it was a rather nice little chat and then good-byes without rancor. It sounds so new age but maybe those 80 years olds have a point. What's the use? It always seems that when the very old realize they are very old all those long held beliefs melt away. The alternative solidification into a bitter old person happens but I argue that in that action there really is not much of a change; rather a continuation or prior behavior. I am looking for the freedom that the old and young seem to have- not worrying about my every action and not gathering emotional nettles over time. Easier said than done but when the opportunity to let something go arises on the street, at a party or just lying in bed at night I am grabbing it.