Saturday, May 10, 2008 8:20 PM

I am going to Morocco for an Operation Smile Mission in June! I LOVE LOVE LOVE these missions. They are self selection for people who love kids, love to travel, can work under some pretty interesting conditions, (work your ass off) and have fun all at the same time. I can't tell you the interesting and really humbling people I have met on these missions. I have been to Egypt, Philippines and China thus far and all have been unique and really fun..

 

Friday, May 9, 2008 12:17 PM

Happy BDAY Cameron and Camille. They are my kids who are living with their loving lesbain couple (yes my biological, LONG story). I am dada who sees them every week. Its amazing to think they are 6! 6! Amazing where life can lead you if you let it.

Its been really real:

In the last three days I have been on in the ER I have intubated a patient each day, seen one kid die, had the discussion with a consult service (them: well I dont know how long you have been doing this. me: You know I am right, I have xray findings, a sick child and hypoxia so lets back it down about years of experience and do our jobs. (thinking "asshole").

But in this space time:

I went to a GREAT fundraising show where the most talented singers just got a big group together and gave a great show. I really am not a "show tune" fag...my stock answer is Showboat whenever any asks "where is that song from". BUT I really love seeing someone sing live and in a small venue. Its such a gift and really a hard hard gift since showbiz lets face it is a tough field. So we were regaled with talent and beautiful songs. and then to yin this yang went out to an event with porn stars every three feet. Since I am really not up on the who's who I loved talking to people then being told of their "attributes" or "skill set" later.

Monday, May 5, 2008 7:18 PM

latest photo work

Dave and Pete.

 

Monday, May 5, 2008 12:01 PM

He's a little preachy today.

Next time we blame the media I always wonder how many people it took to make this one of the "most emailed" stories on CNN. Get out the windex your glass house is streaky. Of course this post literally contradicts its message... a logic mobius strip.

People always comment when at my place after a while...."where is your TV?" . After 15 yrs I reply that I do not need one since billboards, web sites and even the News websites keep me up on all the TV shows I need. I LOVE me some shows (Battlestar Gallactica being WAY out front). When I am on the bike or treadmil at the gym and the reality parade is on the sets (twelve monitors and ONE is on CNN (come on people)) I honestly get depressed. I have to avert my eyes AND mind which to me is an affront.

I had this brief twelve second reality brush with LOGO about the Aids Ride (and still getting that little look from people sometimes (and having old friends contact me which is a charge!). I have been told its a good balanced look. I am still to self conscious to actually watch it. I also remember how they tried (unsucessfully) to get me in shots with my shirt off or some emotionally charged moment when I was in tears which happens A LOT on the ride. Your tired after a 100 mile day on the bike thinking about a lot of stuff and all your emotions are right there on the surface. I know these shows have a job to do but aside from this show and a few others is it a job worth doing or supporting.

Had a fun night out last night with Mike and Jeremy and Les and Mark and...... This morning was not fun. Onto a bike ride. and off the soapbox ;)

Sunday, May 4, 2008 10:20 AM

This is a bullet (bright spot) that went through a persons chest and stopped JUST before entering their heart. The patient was walking and talking no distress. Its a very fine line.

I see this all the time. Fine lines. People who bring their kids in and they have crossed from happy healthy to leukemia, pneumonia, spontaneous head bleed.....etc.

As much as I think it does not affect me it has to go somewhere. And come out somewhere. I am wondering if my extreme Carpe Diem attitude is from this. I could hunkering down and pluggin away at a career path but I still think there is too much to do and see and being slaved to one place will get in the way.

Discoveries this week:

Its not the breakup its the prisoner exchange (CD's, parking passes) that is the most heinous part. Its colder than anything and makes it so final. Although I do enjoy getting my favorite shirts back. (and I know you think this song is about you)

I sent a completely embarassing email and realize I need a 24 hour hold policy on my computer.

Being attentive to your needs.....sleep....good food...rest..can trump the needs of others at times.

 

Wednesday, April 30, 2008 2:41 PM

here is a site worth seeing..Coudal Partners.

here is a thought worth thinking.. "You can always go back..you aren't be the same..they aren't the same...but that does not mean it can't be great. Walking ahead while looking over your shoulder is the surest way to fall on your face. Square your shoulders whether its going back to finally settle something that you are stuck on or walking away from something you have finally laid to rest."

Its one thing to bring over four good bottles of champagne as a favor since I was crazy busy...then its another not to cash my check and not tell anyone for a long time. its the subtle gift that makes me smile most.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008 2:58 AM

Had a little kid who sliced off the edge of his toe on his bike so the bone was showing. His parents were the best since they waited FOREVER for our specialist. I felt so bad I kept going back to check on him apologizing a blue streak. His uncle and dad put little bandages on his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. His toe is now his "special toe" and kinda looks like a TMNT toe. He said he was going to go home and look for his toe when we were done with him.

Its the resiliency I love about kids. And the trust of the parents. Its truly an amazing thing when you think about it. I walk into a room full of cultural strangers and then its all about creating a space and a trust/comfort level where we can make a plan. And there are times when that plan can be scary and not what they were expecting. I find that when I talk to the kid if they are old enough and explain things to them simply that goes a long way to assuaging the parents anxieties. Also I really just prefer talking to the kids. Its that trust and one on one which really makes me want to do a great job.

 

Strawberries....Champagne ....and a lazy afternoon with friends. (and yes John got the heater to work). Jeremy who is crazy funny french/tunisian and veronique got on famously (in french of course) and Jimmy who is all sorts of just good energy made the time extra special.

 

Monday, April 28, 2008 1:49 PM

Ok work all night fri...fly to Burbank...drive to Palm springs..change in 15 minutes then go out to Coachella...dance in the sun drink healthy ...beer...wine...beer...wine...eat healthy food.....pizza...sleep..wake up and dance your ass off in hot tents......rinse ..repeat..drive home 130 am on sunday....

MUST
TREAT
BODY
BETTER.

losing too much weight/bulk biking.. hating that. of course the beer pizza diet will def. help.

 

Had a great time heard some great music...fat boy slim had the best opening I have ever seen and just killed us....

Sia was very good..MGMT not so hot live....Prince was amazing...Gorgol Bordello were funny crazy great...Justice about killed me on the last set of the last day...

Pics here.

 

 

Thursday, April 24, 2008 4:56 PM

Sometimes when you pick the scab it DOES heal faster.

Going to Coachella this weekend. It has so many memories for me. I had so much fun here and for those who know me I was relaxed (not an easy job for me). I am looking to spending time with one of my longest friends and a bunch of new, newer and newest friends....however....the little neural loops still spin...

I have realized in the past year that I am lets say REALLY bad at reading people. Its not that I can not be social or get a group going....its the one on one intense intimate which can be confusing to me sometimes. But I have also learned and am learning ways to navigate that. so I am pleased to know I have not figured myself all out yet and I still have the great ability to realize my faults. (well when you fall enough on your face it does sort of become obvious).

Imogen Heap sums it up and the song title is so personally ironic i could cry.

Listen here.

Here's the day you hoped would never come
Don't feed me violence
just run with me through rows of speeding cars.
The papercuts the cheating lovers
The coffee's never strong enough
i know you think it's more than just bad luck
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't lose your head
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
Sleeping pills know sleeping dogs lie
never far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I've watched you slowly winding down for years
You can't keep on like this...
now's a bad a time as any
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't kill yourself
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..it was a long time agoit's ok by me..
it's ok by me..
it's ok by me..it was a long time ago
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't lose your head
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah
There there baby
it's just text book stuff
it's in the ABC of growing up
Now now darling
oh don't kill yourself
cause none of us were angels
and you know I love you yeah

 

 

Friday, April 18, 2008 11:54 AM

this is Bryce (standing) who arguably had the best jobs in the world. He works producing segments for TV programs such as the travel channel, discovery and now National Geographic (oh yes those are seraphim you hear chanting its that cool). He is in a Faraday Suit for a segment filming those guys who repair high voltage lines.....high......voltage....lines..... yeah. the suit works on the Faraday principle we are all so familiar with. ie. yo ass is safe.

He has moved (the office pool is still open) to DC so all y'all better be good to my dog lessen I get up on a greyhound and get out there.

 

Thursday, April 17, 2008 6:50 PM

When working in the ER for a while you get the feeling that you seen it all before but the beauty and the magic is ya have'nt.....by a long shot. Each patient while their kid may have the same runny nose you have seen a MILLION times before is THEIR kid hence unique hence unique to your almost jaded ass. And if you listen and are fresh with your advice and your exam that's when it all works.

that being said sometimes its a battle to find the balance esp when the parents start like this (true story):

them: he has not eaten anything for three days.

me: anything? not even a drink?

them: nothing. not a bite or drink.

me: Well you are going to save a lot on food since he is clearly immortal. is there anything else?

 

A list for the misbegotten:

Outfit (10/10): White linen shirt open very low, Armani Tie, very loose, cute cute cute Paul Frank Shorts, All star shoes.

Mind: doing ok. Reading some tough stuff and loving some fluff (battlestar galactica y'all get on it). Wrapping my head around some major changes. Job changes, relationships, city changes hello SF.

Body: Shoulder is VERY good. Arms and chest sigh....trying but where I could do 70 pound dumbbell presses each hand I am down to 55- 60 lbs. Its a lesson in body, ego and what do we consider important....still I wish I could do more. Ass and legs ...well lets say a woman behind me in line at the grocery store had to tap me and KID IN ARM...say "I have to tell you you have the best rear I have seen on a white man"...ummm......ok.

 

 

Wednesday, April 9, 2008 12:06 PM

pics from here and there.

Went to a fun little get together for project angel food. Sam L. jackson was there as the hook for the opening of the Armani Collezioni store. He was actually funny and friendly. Of course I will only get a sneaky blurry pic.

AND of all things I was actually wearing an Armani Collezioni leather jacket that was gifted to me by a good friend because well it is really really nice but in a really really gay way. Any straight man wearing this would be immediately suspect. I on the other hand get comments every single time I wear it. THEN I made the mistake of looking at the jackets prices.>>>> I owe my friend another very good dinner.

Lolly brunch

Brunch Lines:

Waiter (holding a plate and an oven mitt) while handing the plate OVER the table to johhny: "The plates hot"

ummm ok.

Its a home workout day. I am actually going to fix a leaky faucet. Watch the news.

last night in the ER I saw:

A cute couple with a baby who was hiccupping
A kid who fell off the monkey bars
Coughs/colds
Pneumonias
A kid who scraped his ankle in Central Americ.
I joked with tparents hugged the kids
gave out stickers and superballs.

On the adult side:

A heroin user who was full of abscesses moaning and walking up and down the hall giving the adult doc grief.

And ya wonder why I work with kids.

 

TWO days off. Bike rides galore!

 

Saturday, April 5, 2008 11:55 AM

Shoulder: 3/10 this morning.

Outfit: 7/10...threadless t shirt, true religion jeans, Very cute Puma sneakers, REI Northface jacket

Body: 8/10 (remember this in MY scale not mens fitness): going to gym to do weights first time in three weeks. Do an hour of biking. Tummy still nice from major aerobics in Australia and strict cardio diet here and NO alochol (or rather very very little) in three weeks. Need to keep bulk of chest and arms which can fade as I bike more and more. oh well.

Sleep: 10/10 Seven hours

Work: 9/10 good night last night fun kids. Made awesome diagnosis of a girl who could not walk straight. I got the special xray not usually taken and diagnosed Labyrinthitis.

oh and Hello super sweet fashion diva. Thanks for the props!

 

Friday, April 4, 2008 12:29 PM

Emotional Motes.

My so called shoulder is making the nights hard. It is a miracle that people get up and bounce out of bed. I cant tell you how that simple act is so taken for granted. Its good for the empathy to feel bad a large part of the day- Knowing/Hoping that I am getting better. but I can see how it can wear and grind and really make one a little cranky shall we say. I am not interested in almost anything else right now except getting better and riding on the bike.

but its the 3am wake up roll over thank the gods for the creators of flexeril, vicodin and motrin when those little dusty motes of emotion drift through the pillows and you think of others and want the feel of their feet over yours.

like I said its a minor miracle to jump out of bed and greet the day.

On less maudlin notes I have:

• made up a playlist for Coachella! Very excited
• Firmed up plans to stay in SF before the Aids Ride
• Finally sent out my fundraising cards.
• Re connected with three people and its only noon.

 

Tuesday, April 1, 2008 1:47 PM

some moments are so perfect.

yikes I am getting on my bike for the first time in a long time. It should be an easy ride. lets hope.

Friday, March 28, 2008 1:04 PM

Why yes Virginia I am still alive. Barely.

Brief catch up.

Make your mark and go on: Went to Elevation Gay Ski weekend. pics here At the check in counter my name came up as my friends were checking in and turns out the person behind the counter used to be an ambulance driver I worked with years ago....bingo..corner room, free internet and wine sent up! She came out with us and was a real real treat.

We had a great time. Jason who never boarded ever did great down a black diamond while I received a very serious shoulder injury and had to be taken off the mountain by a paramedic I lectured to at UCLA. I am still in a bad way.

So many circles closed that weekend (one that had been uncomfortably open for over 15 years). It gives me hope with my current open circles of which I only have a few but every morning and every night they seem to rise to the forefront of my brain and emotions. You just never ever know where you can end up.

I went Bungee Jumping as a bday present from Stacy. Hike 5 miles to a bridge to nowhere, jump off it. You have three jumps and IF you do the first two well you get the ankle straps for your third. Stacy went first out of all of us. Brave girl. We made ankle harness and it was pretty fun. Hiking across the river was pretty amazing. It made for a fun long day.

Australia and New Zealand. all pics here.

Amazing!!! Don is the sweetest smartest guy around who really showed me the best hospitality. It was two weeks of just meeting nice nice people who were so genuine. It was just one fun event to the next. I think I met and am so far staying in touch with some really of the nicest guys.

First stop Auckland and their Hero Party. It was a fun night held at their gorgeous civic center. Don held a pre party where I met a lot of his friends etc and that made the jump to Sydney that much easier since EVERYBODY in NZ or TZ makes it to Sydney.

I drove myself two hours south (other side of road driving is interesting and what is even more interesting is that they all walk on the opposite side of the stairs, halls etc. I was FOREVER walking into people). I went to the Waitomo Caves. Imagine putting on a wetsuit and helmet and gum shoes then trekking 2 km underground at times up to your neck in water swimming. There were portions where I could barely get through the cracks. Shelly Winters could not have swum for help.

We meet up with Tom and actually get lucky enough to have a picnic in the park and hear Dame Kiri Te Kanawa sing. That was a treat; wine, cheese, and a gorgeous day.

A ferry out to Waiheke island for a beach day. We did not get to any wineries but as a treat there was a wine dinner with the vintners that Don had gotten an invite too. Fun fun fun night. We met a force of nature in this Virago, who talked of her days owning a bar in Barcelona and her love of hats. She was a delight and a true kindred spirit. I cant wait to see her in SF when she comes up.

We had a great beach day at Davids (imagine smart doctor, sweet and quirky AND major fitness figure in Auckland...yeah he sucks. His cat Mao is also pretty neat) house. It was a pristine beach not a soul in site and we finally had a day to rest.

more on mardis Gras later.

 

Friday, February 8, 2008 4:17 PM

this is the email a friend has sent me for a surprise tomorrow:

In a backpack.... You MUST have the FOLLOWING
Tennis shoes
Jeans
Socks
Warm coat or sweat shirt
Lunch from Stacy
Water
On your body wear....
Shorts
Bright colored t shirt
Hiking boots or tennis shoes
Hat
Sunglasses
Remember you WILL get wetIf your asking why you need to bring shoes and jeans in your backpack. Stop asking just do it. TRUST!!!!!! I can express how important it is to have dry clothes and shoes in your backpack. If you don't you can't play.

I can't wait.