Sunday, April 22, 2007 11:35 AM

Off for a week long gay cruise. whoo hoo.

Saturday, April 21, 2007 11:15 AM

One mat. key left underneath.

A door has literally closed and I am walking through another. There is always something to learn and keep and there is always something learned that I need to forget.

I need to learn how to trust deeply and yes a little blindly again. I refuse to let a scar hide that act. kids do it so freely and if it hurts they dust off their knees and jump back on the slide. I don't think there is another way.

And this door swings both ways I know. So I am not beating my breast without understanding my own actions.

I always remember this quote by Jameds Baldwin and it really defines a lot for me.

"People pay for what they do, and still more for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it very simply; by the lives they lead."

I am trying to lead a good life with good people. simple.

Friday, April 20, 2007 9:59 AM

COME TO SLIDESHOW ON SATURDAY. The nice folks are having a night AND hottie Steve is sponsoring me for the Aids Ride. whoo hoo.

oh my god. this is the funniest video. Easter Bunnies gone bad. It kinda loses it a little at the end but still funny.

from the LA times:

"We have to go back to knocking on doors and taking flowers to our new neighbors," said Paulette Horton of Diamond Bar, who lives down the street from the formerly thriving criminal enterprise. "From now on, we're going to introduce ourselves to whoever's out in front of an empty house." story

well yeah. that's what a neighbor is in my book. I am a firm believer in making your mark and knowing you neighbors. You don't have to love everybody but its part of the social contract to know your neighbors and support your local environment. Its funny to hear people say this like its a new concept. Of course I am lucky beyond words to have really really fun neighbors with whom I am traveling again to France. It takes energy it takes effort but its so worth doing.

New York was as usual fun.

The conference was for Peds ER and I have to say it was great meeting people I know from all over the country and it was good networking.

Went out to as few fun bars and met more than a few fun people. New people are great "stretching before you limitless as a sea". Love the New York energy. and lucky enough to meet some people who go back and forth a lot so more time to solidify times together.

Monday, April 16, 2007 12:34 PM

same object different feel:

I love the similarity of poses between the carved and actual figures:

the only time I use a blow dryer:

A perfect day for me is walking around taking photos.

it sounds and is a little lonely but the actual action of it and the results make me really really happy.

Sometimes when I am too busy with too much to do every night and day, plans with friends again and again I have to ask myself "what am I avoiding thinking about". The same goes for traveling too much. But then again the pendulum swings too far the other way at times and I do not contact people who are dear to me. so apologies.

Saw Boy Culture (the movie is better than the webpage) last night. Its one of the rare gay movies that I found funny and really good. It gets a little typical at times but more often than not it is funny and original. I can say that we laughed well and loud as did much of the audience.

Caught up with Sloan, Eric and Brett. We met long ago in the haze of NY and Fire Island and circuit this and that. They have lived here for a while and its a maze of names and experiences. What I do love is the obvious commaderie they have and give and take (which at times is not for the faint of heart.)

Saturday, April 14, 2007 7:00 PM

New York is running scared about a rain storm. A rain storm. please.

I am not kidding they are talking about freaking NYPD frogmen and Zodiac vessels.

I plan on taking lots of rainy day photos. moody and fun and I bet the museums will be empty.

off for some dinner. and word to the wise. Priceline baby. Love my room and trust me its about 75% off and right next to grand central . love that.

Friday, April 13, 2007 2:04 PM

Will be in NYC this weekend. Where I hope to

1) reconnect with a dear dear friend. that should take 5 seconds then we are off for new memories

2) Meet up with my not so secret lover.

3) Go to a few fun places and see a few fun things.

4) Meet up with friends from Vegas and St Louis.

5) Have coffee in my fav coffee place in the world.

6) Hot chocolate on the steps of the Met.

among other things.

Friday, April 13, 2007 10:32 AM

arggh the wind knocked down two large trees in my backyard. not fun. But as a friend said "its a chance for change." rinse. repeat.

and had a great time at fubar for the first time in ages. Loving some new friends. funny. grounded and a little trashy in the the right ways.

Thursday, April 12, 2007 10:45 PM

just had a friend call. his 4 yr relationship ended over a tryst his partner had on manhunt.

eerily familiar to me and so odd specially after the entry below which was for something light and funny.

Manhunt to gay men is like an Uzi to a 3 yr old. A lot of people are going to get hurt. If you are single go for it to your particular pathologies content. When you are with someone I guess it IS to much to ask of people to be honest and forthcoming about their feelings. Its much better to have anon. sex with "hot" people.

Its not bitter its pissed. that's what we decided to call it. The trick is to get over pissed before it becomes bitter. So he has started his path. It sucks.

Thursday, April 12, 2007 4:08 PM

"I can resist anything but temptation"

how true. how true.

If you think this song is about you. Then it is.

Sunday April 8, 2007 10:37 PM

Ok maybe a Sushi party for 50 people is a little overachieving. But it worked and boy did it work well. Amazing time people were all over my house making sushi passing out their creations and meeting new people. The rule was you had to bring someone new into the mix.
post party champagne cleanup crew
My backyard savior.

It was a very very mellow Easter. Did a ton of yard work with two friends and it was amazing to just work on a project with people. Then we all went out to a great Italian dinner and it was just comfortable and great.

Met an interesting guy who has musical talent bleeding out his pores. He has done songs we have all danced our minds out to at three AM. Even I know them which is a feat. I am listening to his new Cd's wherein he has written, produced, arranged, and engineered the roughs. Its an Italian swing hipster album that is catchy great and amazing. Of course he taught himself Italian. Creativity gets me every time. Annoying.

And hello Japan! Who is over there? I am getting huge hits from Tokyo. hmmmmm.

Friday, April 6, 2007 11:36 PM

Its White Party Weekend here in LA. Its a fun time its a fun party. As with anything there are extremes. I "did" the party HARD for a few years then as with anything it gets stale and old. I love how people get into some deep thought process about the whole party thing. Do it if you like when you like and don't when you don't. The danger is that the environment is the most enabling and dangerous for the young at mind.

If my weekend ends with a few hikes a bike ride and some good dinners I think for me that is better .....this weekend.

Stay tuned for other weekends.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007 3:07 AM

Saw The 300. hmmmmm. Clearly the Greeks were better warriors and depilitators.

It really made me want to go to the gym....with a spear.

Monday, April 2, 2007 11:51 PM

At play. Good long ride (50 miles) with a new rider who kicked my ass up hills. He goes to spin class...bastard.

At work transporting a girl who is rejecting her heart transplant. Its hard to see someone who has gone through so much and knows that she has more ahead of her. And it may not end well at all. I can't imagine the feeling. I guess we are not expected to nor is it possible really. Its the same for anyone else's pain or hard times. Trying to feel the same thing as someone else to empathize is futile and maybe a little self serving. If you have been through the SAME thing (I am thinking addiction, AA etc) then there is a common ground. Its not that I do not think of others and think about what they are going through and try to help AND look at my own reactions to the situation. But I avoid saying things like I know this must be hard/painful/scary etc. I think the feeling of emotional inadequacy paralyses and makes me feel uncomfortable when in fact many times someone else just wants company. Silent, present, company.

.

Friday, March 30, 2007 3:12 PM

this is not a story this is not a book this is your life

thanks for the big flat slap upside the head.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007 10:14 AM

Sometimes someone just says one little line and it all makes sudden sense.

Eureka.

thanks my little guyanesian hottie.

and I know its really like those sites that post pics of guys to get hits but come on this photo is crazy great. His back is terrain.

Had another good night in the ER. A baby fell of a sofa fractured her leg, another kid fell down fractured her arm, another kid got hit by a car fractured his leg ...you get the drift. Luckily our Ortho on call was great and fun and cool and we all had a good time with the parents etc etc.

AND to balance the medicine fashion art in my life Cool Hunting is fun. A little too twee at times but I got to get my kicking mule jeans.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007 11:14 AM

from Slate

Its going to be vague.

The Teddybears are a great group. Bekka gets credit for this discovery for me.

What a difference a weekend makes.

Sat: had a random "hello how are you" at the gym. I have mentioned my anti love of the whole exp. there. So when someone who I think is oh lets just say fucking hot says hi I am suspect. Turned out to be a nice guy and not a serial killer. yet.

A few drinks with a friend (although my yelling out "hey get back here" to two guys who after we are all talking simply stood up and walked away without saying good by to the whole table was prob. not that good but Ms. Manners while tipsy is still in the room).

Had a fun time at a small cool party that went to 2 am before I even looked at my watch. Although when someone in a tux (smell the HRC dinner SMELL IT!) ask me in my jeans (levis), sneakers (trail runner Nikes) and tshirt (ok this was gay cute cute cute), jacket (north face gear) if I went it seemed an odd question. I replied that I was working for catering at the event and he said "thanks". My friend gave me that little back grab that I love so much.

Sun: Had brunch with a very interesting group of people involved in politics and public health care and that was ok. Spent time with the kids and was back home doing my thing avoiding the bars and temp. to slag it all in a mojito. Saw my ex and that was ok and learned of a new breed called a puggle. Dogs being the most malleable of breeding experiments are coming up in the most interesting shapes.

And had the most amazing conversation with someone I admire greatly.

yeah its vague but that's what life is sometimes. Not all great not all bad but a general direction is ok sometimes.

Going to NYC for a fun weekend and conference in April. What to do ? What to do?

Friday, March 23, 2007 11:23 PM

Jon and Vero . the bestest neighbors ever. They threw this Bday brunch for me AND had T-shirts made up of me (that's me on my Aids Ride Bike from Paris to the Pyramids to the Philippines (my Two Op Smile missions and our trip to paris) in high heels with a camera and a cosmo. You gotta love them.He made THREE desserts and of course we ate them all. I am so lucky.

Saw a great show called Slide show. Basically some fun people show slides and give a little story. Funny funnnnnnnny. And in case you have not seen Mismatch Game go see it if in Los Angeles.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007 2:36 PM

Putting your heart where your mouth is:

Belgians in anti-racism weddings

Nearly 700 couples say "I do" in St-Niklaas
About 700 Belgian couples have symbolically wed in a Flemish town where three couples had refused to let a black official marry them.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007 1:16 PM

sometimes its just easier to take the bullet. not in the literal sense. but I will bend to the avoid the hurt of someone I care about even if its due to the smallness of others.

and change channel:

People do always ask about our gallows humor in the ER and here is how the usual conversation goes when we get a teenager in who has just been shot (and is stable so we are not kidding around when its serious)....

"So while you were minding your own business what happened?...."

and the fast come back from a resident when I asked "How was he shot" she replies no pause..."with a bullet"...I love her.

I have to say I freaking LOVE working in the ER although EVERYONE had issues last night. Its the large kid who can't get into the hosp since he is so scared that Mom calls 911 FROM THE ER ENTRANCE to get them to help her carry the kid in. To her credit no one was helping her including our security but I was out of that loop. I and another doc physically took him out and carried him to his car when he was done. And the parents who come in for med refills KNOWING that we can say no but who is going to especially if its for seizure medications etc so they use that fact against us.

And then it gets slow because of Lab taking forever, nurses on break, whatever and the sleeve tugging begins which is why I always say "you will be here XX hours" I am sorry I will try to do my best but Lord help you if you send your three year old after me to ask me how much longer its going to be....(since three yr olds are notoriously bad time keepers and can be happy for hours in a lint trap (not AAP recommended) I suspect the parents hand in this).

and I am literally keeping 10-15 workups in my head trying to teach and trying not to royally mess up myself. I sound whiney but among all this there are the hide and seek moments with kids, the letting them listen to their own hearts, the look of utter relief on the the parents face when you say this is not appendicitis etc, the running up and down the halls with the five years olds (they seem to like running more than most), finding and getting that bead that somehow got up the nose and so on.

I guess no matter what you do its all about porportion. Everyone has a different number but we all need that 70/30, 80/20 or 50/50 of joy/pain.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007 2:55 AM

Just had a goodnight in the ER. Not too busy but with enough interesting cases to keep the learning going and enough time to spend with families explaining what the hells going on. I have to say its terrifying for parents in the ER. We had one girl who lost the tip of her finger and we are thinking that's not too bad comparatively but her Mom is thinking of a lifetime with that tip and it tore her up. We did the best repair we could but it will not be perfect by any stretch.

Sometimes I feel like I need to rein in the residents who are eager to learn and eager to know but at the same time are learning the Art of medicine. I want to impart my experience but at the same time not limit them to my approach to everything. Its so multivariate and we all have our own approach.

Monday, March 19, 2007 12:05 PM

Sometimes the most intense feelings come after the breakup.

I am in the locker room and someone who knows my ex asks me as I am undressing how "I am doing" and if "I am dating again".

1) I hate gyms locker rooms. It brings up all sorts of body conscious bullshit I do my best to get over but have managed only a detente at this point with.

2) I barely remember this guy since I met him once and he is the boyfriend of someone my ex met a long time ago THUS while talking I have no idea who he is and am trying to figure it out

3) I am still managing my emotions after the breakup

thus I am naked in more ways than two.and it sucked.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007 3:55 PM

More from Manila. This is from club MWAH. They have the best cross dressers around.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007 5:27 AM

"It is terribly important to do certain things, such as wear over embroidered dresses. After all, the mass follows class. Class never follows mass."- Imelda Marcos

yes I know its tacky to have the wife's of ex now really ex dictators on your blog...its so so jejune. that being said you have to love it when in Manila no less Imelda strolls by. Well my friend Jeff at the ready grabs me and camera and here we are another odd moment. Sometimes its the people sometimes the place and sometimes both. Who says that Dynasty padded shoulders are out. She was actually funny and very polite. She is of course reprehensible but a source of amazing quotes.